Homer Simpson on Trial: The Many Crimes of Homer Simpson

Homer Simpson might very well be the biggest criminal in television history. In his 20-plus years on the TV show The Simpsons, the well-meaning but dim-witted father of three has committed a wide range of crimes and infractions, from ticket-worthy offenses to felonies. He’s spent little time in jail for his actions, but if he were to be found guilty of all the counts detailed below, he could find himself sentenced to life in jail plus 350 years and fined somewhere in the range of $120 million. (Granted, not knowing what state he lives in prohibits specific figures.) Here’s a run-down of Homer’s crimes, along with some prime examples.

Animal cruelty:
  • “Homer Goes to College” (steals school mascot Sir Oinksalot and makes it drink malt liquor)
  • “Girly Edition” (allows a helper monkey to eat to exhaustion)
  • “Marge Simpson in: ‘Screaming Yellow Honkers'” (hits a lemur at the zoo with a slingshot, triggering rhinos to escape)
  • “Kill the Alligator and Run” (runs over and kills an alligator with an airboat)
  • “She of Little Faith” (shoots a hamster into the air in a model rocket)
  • “The Frying Game” (injures an endangered species, the Screamapillar)
  • “Bonfire of the Manatees” (sends a manatee to work as his replacement, causing it to dehydrate)
  • “We’re on the Road to D’ohwhere” (runs over horse on the way to pick up Bart from camp; asks Bart to wipe the blood off the car before getting in)
  • “Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)” (drives off-road to get to Marge’s art show, running over an owl, a bear and a boy scout)
  • “Homerazzi” (photo of him strangling a deer)

Bail jumping:

  • “Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes” (jumps bail on fighting charges; pursued by Flanders)

homerbigamy.jpgBigamy:

  • “Viva Ned Flanders” (gets drunk with Flanders and Las Vegas, and both wake up married to strange women)
Blast fishing:
  • The Simpsons Movie (uses a bug zapper to electrocute the fish in a lake)
Burglary (unarmed):
  • “Thirty Minutes over Tokyo” (tries to rob Flanders’ house)
  • “Insane Clown Poppy” (steals a violin from Fat Tony)
  • “Tis the Fifteenth Season” (steals the town’s Christmas presents, a la the Grinch)
  • “Fat Man and Little Boy” (steals plutonium from the power plant)

Buying illegal fireworks:

  • “Summer of 4 Ft. 2” (buys illegal fireworks from a convenience store at the beach)

Cable theft:

  • “Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment” (gets an illegal cable hook-up)

homermace.jpgChild abuse:

  • “Simpson and Delilah” (strangles Bart after he spills his bottle of his hair growth serum)
  • “Like Father, Like Clown” (when he tells Bart he doesn’t have to follow in his footsteps, Bart says he won’t even use the bathroom after him, and Homer strangles him)
  • “Lisa’s Pony” (flashback of him being too busy strangling Bart to notice Lisa saying “Dada”)
  • “Radio Bart” (strangles Bart after he realizes Bart fooled him with a fake radio announcement)
  • “Lisa’s First Word” (strangles baby Bart for calling him “Domer” and for flushing his wallet down the toilet)
  • “So It’s Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show” (strangles Bart after he admits to shaking up the beer can)
  • “Secrets of a Successful Marriage” (while teaching a class on building a successful marriage, Homer strangles Bart when he says that Homer dared him to steal mail and throw it down a sewer)
  • “Lisa the Treehugger” (while protesting in a tree, Lisa looks at the house through binoculars and sees Homer strangling Bart)
  • “Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala-D’oh-cious” (just when magical nanny Shary Bobbins thinks she’s cured the family’s problems, she sees Homer strangling Bart)
  • “Children of a Lesser Clod” (strangles Bart after he shows video of Homer’s bad behavior as he’s receiving a citizenship award)
  • “Brawl in the Family” (strangles Bart after he discovers that he’s been cheating at Monopoly by using Lego blocks as hotels)
  • “Mayored to the Mob” (knocks Bart and Lisa unconscious with a Vulcan death grip maneuver)

maggiedrill.jpgChild endangerment/negligence:

  • “22 Short Films About Springfield” (accidentally locks Maggie in a newspaper vending machine)
  • “Ice Cream of Margie with the Light Blue Hair” (forces lactose intolerant child to eat ice cream)
  • “Children of a Lesser Clod” (bets Maggie in a game of poker)
  • “Homer Alone” (allows Maggie to escape the house and climb on top of an ice cream shop)
  • “Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily” (the kids are sent to live with Flanders after Bart is sent home with lice and Lisa with no shoes)
  • “The Parent Rap” (leaves Bart on the street, allowing him to go joyriding in a cop car)
  • “The Great Money Caper” (leaves Bart on street, telling him to walk home; Bart resorts to panhandling)
  • “Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples and Teens, and Gays” (dumps kids at an R-rated movie with no supervision)
  • “Gone Maggie Gone” (leaves Maggie on a convent’s doorstep, allowing nuns to take her)
  • “Lisa’s Sax” (lets Maggie play with an electric drill)
  • The Simpsons Movie (allows Bart to ride on a motorcycle with no helmet)

Homerpalooza.jpgContributing to the delinquency of a minor:

  • “Homer’s Night Out” (takes Bart to strip clubs)
  • “Homer the Vigilante” (drinks with teens)
  • “The Great Money Caper” (grifts with Bart)
  • “Homerpalooza” (allows Bart and Lisa to skip school to attend the Hullabalooza concert)
  • “Bart After Dark” (lets Bart work at burlesque house)
  • “Home Away from Homer” (looks at a pornographic website with Bart)

Criminal mischief:

  • “Homer to the Max” (protests the cutting down of a tree)
  • “Homer Goes to College” (kidnaps a pig)
  • “Homer vs. Dignity” (dresses in a diaper and asks strangers to change him)
  • “Two Bad Neighbors” (glues a rainbow wig on George Bush Sr.)

homermeltdown.jpgCriminal negligence:

  • “Homer Goes to College” (causes a nuclear meltdown)
  • “Homer the Heretic” (sets his house on fire)
  • “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy” (sets childhood home on fire)
  • “Simpson Tide” (sets nuclear plant on fire)
  • “Half-Decent Proposal (sets oil rig on fire)
  • “The Wife Aquatic (sets boardwalk on fire)
  • “Homerazzi” (sets his house on fire…again)

Defying a court order:

  • “The Parent Rap” (escapes with Marge from a tether and stocks)

homerexplosion.jpgDestruction of property:

  • “Boy Scoutz ‘N the Hood” (shoots down a rescue plane away with his flare gun)
  • “Marge on the Lamb” (smashes a weather station with a stick)
  • “Colonel Homer” (damages cars on either side of him by parking in a “Compact Only” space)
  • “Homer Badman”(blows up building with soda and Pop Rocks)
  • “Homer the Great” (destroys the Stonecutters’ Sacred Parchment by using it to wipe his mouth, clean his ears and blow his nose)
  • “When You Dish Upon a Star” (crashes through the glass ceiling of Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin)
  • “I’m with Cupid” (destroys a skywriter’s smoke canister)
  • “Make Room for Lisa” (covers the Bill of Rights in chocolate)
  • “The Parent Rap” (sinks a judge’s boat)
  • “She of Little Faith” (blows up the church with a rocket)
  • “I Am Furious Yellow” (goes crazy, smashing things around town)
  • “My Mother the Carjacker”(drives into the police station)
  • “Fraudcast News” (destroys a rock formation at a national park)
  • “Pranksta Rap” (knocks down a big screen TV)
  • “Mobile Homer” (collapses a pier by parking’ a mobile home on it)
  • “Please Homer, Don’t Hammer Em” (destroys a roller coaster while trying to fix it)
  • “Homerazzi” (ruins the wedding cake of actor Rainier Wolfcastle)
  • “Crook and Ladder” (crashes his car into the fire department)
  • “Mona Leaves-a” (destroys stuffed animals that insult him)
  • “Mypods and Boomsticks” (blows up a bridge, thinking he’s foiling a terrorist plot)

homerfight.jpgDisorderly conduct:

  • “Two Bad Neighbors” (fights with George Bush Sr.)
  • “Dumbbell Indemnity” (fights with Moe)
  • “Take My Wife, Sleaze” (fights with a biker)
  • “Last of the Red Hat Mamas” (fights with man in an Easter bunny costume)
  • “We’re on the Road to D’ohwhere” (fights with Vegas casino pit boss)
  • “Kill Gil, Volumes I & II” (fights with “the Grumple”)
  • “Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes” (takes part in St. Patrick’s Day riot)

Distribution of a controlled substance:

  • “D’oh-in in the Wind” (bottles peyote-spiked juice)
  • “Weekend at Burnsie’s” (gives Smithers a medical marijuana joint)

homerdrunk4.jpgDisturbing the peace:

  • “Colonel Homer” (talks loudly in a movie theater)
  • “$pringfield” (punches a cardboard cutout of Robert Goulet)
  • “Jaws Wired Shut” (kicked out of a movie theater for yelling)
  • “Viva Ned Flanders” (knocks over slot machines in Vegas with Flanders)
  • “I Am Furious Yellow” (goes crazy, smashing things around town)

Driving under the influence:

  • “Duffless” (drives drunk after a tour of the Duff brewery)
  • “Moe’n’a Lisa” (drives “between sips” of beer on the way to a poetry conference)
  • “Faith Off” (drives a parade float drunk)
  • “Co-Dependent’s Day” (drives drunk and crashes; blames Marge)
  • “Crook and Ladder” (drives under the influence of sleeping pills)

Driving without a license:

  • “Homer vs. Patty and Selma” (driving a limousine without a chauffeur’s license)

homerjail.jpgEscaping from prison:

  • “Dumbbell Indemnity” (escapes by posing as the prison librarian)

Falsifying tax returns:

  • “The Trouble with Trillions” (hurriedly prepares taxes, claiming, among other things, that he has nine children and that Bart was injured in Viet Nam)

Forgery:

  • “Team Homer” (forges Mr. Burns’ signature on a check to register his bowling team)
  • “Mommie Beerest” (forges Marge’s name when applying for another mortgage on his house)

Fraud:

  • “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace” (poses as a cashier at Christmas to buy toys that customers are attempting to buy from him)
  • “Girly Edition” (uses Grandpa to get a helper monkey for himself)
  • “Mother Simpson” (fakes his death to get out of work)
  • “Missionary: Impossible” (makes a fake pledge to PBS)
  • “Homer vs. Dignity” (impersonates a panda)
  • “The Great Money Caper” (takes up grifting)
  • “Milhouse Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” (pretends to be broke while panhandling)
  • “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (pretends to be married to Selma so she can adopt a child)
  • “Please Homer, Don’t Hammer ‘Em” (pretends to know how to repair a roller coaster)
  • “Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D’oh” (lies about living in Waverly Hills so kids can enroll in better schools)
  • “Burns, Baby Burns” (arranges a fake kidnapping of Mr. Burns’ son)
  • “Lisa’s Date with Density” (concocts an automated telemarketing scam)

homerpoker.jpgGambling:

  • “Lisa the Greek” (bets on football games, using Lisa’s picks)
  • “The Springfield Connection” (poker game is busted by Marge during her duty as a police officer)
  • “Bonfire of the Manatees” (gets into trouble with gangsters over football debts)
  • “Children of a Lesser Clod” (bets Maggie in a game of poker)
  • “The Ziff Who Came to Dinner” (wins 98% of Arnie Ziff’s company in a poker game, not realizing the SEC is out to arrest it’s majority shareholder)

Grand larceny:

  • “Lisa’s Rival” (steals hundreds of pounds of sugar)
  • “Lisa the Skeptic” (steals an “angel” fossil)
  • “Lard of the Dance” (steals grease from school)
  • “Faith Off” (steals flowers from Flanders to build a float)
  • “Tennis the Menace” (steals money from Pete Sampras’ wallet)
  • “Fat Man and Little Boy” (steals plutonium from the power plant)
  • “Home Away from Homer” (steals a church organ)
  • “Crook and Ladder” (takes items from buildings he saves as a volunteer firefighter)

MonaSimpson.jpgHarboring a fugitive:

  • “Mother Simpson” (helps his mother escape from the FBI)

Hit and run:

  • “The Parent Rap” (hits Hans Moleman with his car and continues driving)

Illegal parking:

  • “The Springfield Connection” (parking in handicapped spot)

Impersonating a pilot:

  • “Fear of Flying” (impersonates a pilot to drink at the pilot’s lounge in the airport)

homerrobe.jpgIndecent exposure:

  • “Homer Badman” (robe blows open in front of a group of women)
  • “Homerazzi” (takes a shower at a fire hydrant)

Insurance fraud:

  • “Simpson and Delilah” (gets his company insurance to pay for his hair tonic)
  • “Dumbbell Indemnity” (helps Moe commit insurance fraud by “stealing” his car)

Invasion of privacy:

  • “The Sweetest Apu” (using a ladder, spies on Apu and his wife in their second-story bedroom)
  • “Goo Goo Gai Pan” (steals a baby for Selma)
homerchoke2.jpgMaking criminal/terrorist threats:
  • “Fat Man and Little Boy” (threatens to blow up the town with plutonium)
  • “We’re on the Road to D’ohwhere” (makes threats to Bart such as: “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill your whole family!” and “I’m gonna put you in a saw mill, then punch your little face out!”)

Motor vehicle theft:

  • “My Mother the Carjacker” (steals a prison bus)
  • “Beyond Blunderdome” (steals Mad Max car during high-speed chase with Mel Gibson and studio execs)

Non-payment of parking tickets:

  • “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” (car ends up parked in New York City with dozens of parking tickets and a boot on it)
  • “Lisa the Skeptic” (has 235 unpaid parking tickets)

Obstruction of justice:

  • “Mother Simpson” (helps his mother escape from the FBI)
  • “My Mother the Carjacker” (helps his mother escape from prison)

homermotorcycle2.jpgOperating a motorcycle without a helmet:

  • “Take My Wife, Sleaze” (rides a motorcycle he wins in a dance competition)
  • The Simpsons Movie (rides a motorcycle to save the town from a bomb)

Operating a vehicle without properly securing the load:

  • “Mom and Pop Art” (loses control of a botched barbecue pit being pulled behind his car in a wagon)

Participating in a duel:

  • “E-I-E-I-D’Oh” (shot in the arm after a man he jokingly challenges to a duel accepts)

Petty larceny:

  • “Marge on the Lam” (steals soda from a vending machine)
  • “The Last Temptation of Homer” (steals pens from work)
  • “Homer Badman” (stealing candy from a candy convention, including the rare gummy Venus de Milo)
  • “They Saved Lisa’s Brain” (steals a gift certificate for a photo shoot)

Practicing medicine without a license:

  • “Pokey Mom” (opens a chiropractic clinic in his garage)

homernude3-1.jpgPublic indecency:

  • “I Married Marge” (sex with Marge in a miniature golf course windmill)
  • “Natural Born Kissers” (sex with Marge in a miniature golf course windmill and subsequent exposure in a football stadium)
  • “Catch ‘Em If You Can” (sex with Marge in a moon bounce)

Public intoxication:

  • “El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)” (hallucinates after eating spicy peppers at a chili cook-off)
  • “The Springfield Files” (walks home drunk after drinking at Moe’s bar)
  • “Co-Dependent’s Day” (gets drunk while wine tasting)
  • “Weekend at Burnsie’s” (becomes addicted to marijuana)

Racketeering:

  • “The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer” (collects protection money for mobster Fat Tony)
  • “The Twisted World of Marge Simpson” (hires the mob to intimidate Marge’s rivals)

homergun.jpgReckless discharge of a firearm:

  • “The Cartridge Family” (recklessly fires his new gun in the house, including skeet shooting with plates and literally shooting the lights out

Reckless driving:

  • “Brake My Wife, Please” (drives off a pier because he’s distracted by various electronic gadgets he uses while driving, including a DVD player, fog machine, deep fryer and fax machine)
  • “The Call of the Simpsons” (drives an RV off a cliff)
  • “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace” (drives his new car into a lake)
  • “Moe Baby Blues” (sudden stop causes Maggie to fly out of her car seat)
  • “My Mother the Carjacker” (drives into the police station)
  • “Crook and Ladder” (crashes his car into the fire department)
  • “The Regina Monologues” (crashes into Queen Elizabeth’s carriage)
  • “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife” (crashes into the power plant)
  • “The Last of the Red Hat Mamas” (drives through an art fair and runs a red light)
  • “The Italian Bob” (drives onto a Roman aqueduct and lands on a Roman monument)
  • “Ice Cream of Margie with the Light Blue Hair” (drives off road to get to Marge’s art show, running over an owl, a bear and a boy scout)
  • “Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes” (crashes his car into the subway to catch a bail jumper)

homersilo.jpgReckless endangerment:

  • “Don’t Fear the Roofer” (engages in a playful nail gun fight)
  • “Please Homer, Don’t Hammer ‘Em” (shoddily fixes a roller coaster)
  • “The Cartridge Family” (repeatedly discharges a gun inside the house, both intentionally and accidentally)
  • The Simpsons Movie (dumps a silo of pig manure into a lake, contaminating it)

Removing a parking boot:

  • “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” (removes boot with a jackhammer)

Serving alcohol without a license:

  • “Homer the Moe” (opens a bar in his garage)

homersimon.jpgSimple assault:

  • “Homer the Smithers” (punches Mr. Burns)
  • “Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo” (throws Japanese emperor into a dumpster)
  • “Homer vs. Dignity” (throws pudding at Lenny)
  • “Dumbbell Indemnity” (knocks out Hans Moleman with a book)
  • “Smart and Smarter” (punches Simon Cowell)
  • “Simple Simpson” (throws pies in people’s faces as the superhero Pie Man)

Skipping jury duty:

  • “Homerazzi” (burns jury duty notice)

Smoking in public:

  • “In the Name of the Grandfather” (opens a “smokeasy” in Ireland, violating a smoking ban)

Smuggling:

  • “Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment” (traffics recently outlawed alcohol)
  • “Sweets and Sour Marge” (smuggles recently banned sugar)
  • “Midnight Rx” (brings prescription drugs back from Canada)

Speeding:

  • “One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish” (arrested for speeding while trying to do everything he wants to accomplish before he dies)
  • “When You Dish Upon a Star” (high speed chase with Kim Basinger, Alec Baldwin and Ron Howard)
  • “Beyond Blunderdome” (high speed chase with Mel Gibson and studio executives)

HankScorpio2.jpgTerrorism:

  • “You Only Move Twice” (works for the Globex Corporation, which turns out to be a terrorist organization threatening to blow up a bridge unless they are paid off in gold)

Transporting a child unrestrained:

  • “Homerazzi” (hangs Maggie from rear-view mirror instead of in car seat, then makes her take the wheel as he attacks a paparazzo)

Trespassing:

  • “Duffless” (sneaks into a football stadium)
  • “The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace” (sneaks off from a tour in the Thomas Edison museum)
  • “Sunday, Cruddy Sunday” (sneaks into the Super Bowl)

homerunderage.jpgUnderage drinking:

  • “Duffless” (reminisces about buying beer at age 17 with a fake ID)

Vehicular assault:

  • “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife” (crashes into the power plant and runs over a safety inspector)
  • “The Parent Rap” (hits Moleman with his car)
  • “Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)” (drives off road to get to Marge’s art show, running over an owl, a bear and a boy scout)

Vigilantism:

  • “Homer the Vigilante” (leads a drunken posse trying to catch a cat burglar)
  • “Simple Simpson” (throws pies in people’s faces as the superhero Pie Man)
  • “Coming to Homerica” (forms a posse to guard the town border against Ogdenvillians)
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